I loathe complaining. It reflects how disatisfied you are. And I hate that for myself. I know I'm lucky than most and when poverty surrounds you and stares point blank in your face, it's really hard to complain. Everyday, outside of my posh hotel, that's what I see. But when I'm exhausted I tend to complain. I've been feeling un-inspired, spent and useless these past couple of weeks. Thank goodness for Kawadjan who's my sounding board most of the time. And Liz, too. I complained how everything I do seems meaningless. I finish one thing but I don't get the high I used to get. Even starting something new is not that euphoric for me. I feel jaded. I feel so cynical about everything. I don't even understand where all these negativity is coming from. I wish there's an obvious cause then I could deal with it. Nip it in the bud. Last night I thought it over and realized I need to change my perspective in looking at things. I've been so serious and totally absorbed in all the work I need to accomplish that I've forgotten how to enjoy ride. That's why I hate growing up. I look at my nephew and he always never fail to put a smile on my face. Ah, to be 3 years old! When you're so used to being a grown-up it's hard to be child-like again. For my sanity I must try to find what it is that I enjoy most about the things that I do, one baby step at a time.