Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Need to Enjoy

I loathe complaining. It reflects how disatisfied you are. And I hate that for myself. I know I'm lucky than most and when poverty surrounds you and stares point blank in your face, it's really hard to complain. Everyday, outside of my posh hotel, that's what I see. But when I'm exhausted I tend to complain. I've been feeling un-inspired, spent and useless these past couple of weeks. Thank goodness for Kawadjan who's my sounding board most of the time. And Liz, too. I complained how everything I do seems meaningless. I finish one thing but I don't get the high I used to get. Even starting something new is not that euphoric for me. I feel jaded. I feel so cynical about everything. I don't even understand where all these negativity is coming from. I wish there's an obvious cause then I could deal with it. Nip it in the bud. Last night I thought it over and realized I need to change my perspective in looking at things. I've been so serious and totally absorbed in all the work I need to accomplish that I've forgotten how to enjoy ride. That's why I hate growing up. I look at my nephew and he always never fail to put a smile on my face. Ah, to be 3 years old! When you're so used to being a grown-up it's hard to be child-like again. For my sanity I must try to find what it is that I enjoy most about the things that I do, one baby step at a time.

2 comments:

kawadjan said...

you'll be fine honey. it might be just a very extended mood swing, or perhaps hormones. don't let it consume you, and you are on the right path based on this post.

the beauty of it all is it dawned on you that you simply need to put a dash of fun in the things you're doing now. that's a good start.

baby steps, baby steps.

fuchsiaboy said...

thanks k